Look what I got in the mail today!!
Sunday Dj and Bradley got up and got ready and took Gauge to church. When they got home he was very hyper. Dj told me there there wasn't a lady there that didn't hold him and coo over him.After he started to settle down, Dj was sitting on the couch with him. At that point I witnessed the most beautiful thing I think I have ever witnessed.
The living room was full of all of us but to that little boy the only person there was his mom. We all tried to talk to him and play with him but he wanted nothing to do with us. He sat there on his mom's lap and only wanted to play with her. At one point his daddy picked him up and he screamed until he made his way back to his mom.
This is when I knew my baby has grown into a beautiful woman.
Jeff was raised by his grandparents. His dad was around but their relationship was always rocky. I’ve heard stories from his family, his ex wife, and from Gary himself about how bad things were at some times. Some of the things his ex wife told me confirms what I suspected, Jeff always searched for a relationship with him only to be hurt time and again by Gary. Gary was an alcoholic and I know first hand how hard it is to have a relationship with an alcoholic.
A couple of years ago Gary needed a place to live. I convinced Jeff to give him another chance and allow him to come live with us. He was with us for about a month and things went really bad. I ended up kicking him out of my house and after hearing from a few people about the lies he had told about us, I cut him off from us completely. I take full responsibility for doing that. All I wanted to do was protect my family.
Last May when Jeff and I split up him and Gary gave reconciliation another shot. It was tentative at first, only talking once a week for a short time. Gary had quit drinking and started going to church and from what we could tell he was just being a better person all around.
In July we had to go to Dallas to be with him while he had some tests run for a back surgery he needed. We had a good visit with him and peace was made all the way around. The doctors told him for the most part that with out the surgery he would be paralyzed in a matter of a few months. They asked him to go to a few specialists to get the all clear for his surgery.
X-rays were done of his lungs and a spot was found. He was then sent on to have more tests done and that’s when they found it. Gary has lung cancer. After a lot of soul searching Gary decided he is at peace with his maker and he is just tired and doesn’t want to go through treatment. It took a little while for Jeff to accept that but he finally did.
I’m dying inside because I know what my husband is going through. I lost my dad to lung cancer a couple of years ago. I know there is no way for me to make him feel better about what is happening. It’s not fair. He finally has a good relationship with his dad and its being yanked away from him.
Last week Gary was put into the hospital for a couple different reasons. Mostly because he is hard headed and didn’t let anyone know he was hurting and having a bad time until it got really bad. I think that one event brought things home to Jeff more then any so far.
After a lot of battling with himself, Jeff finally made the decision yesterday to go be with him for a little while. We were going to go out there next weekend to help Gary move but he feels like he needs to go sooner. Thankfully Jeff works for a great couple who understands. HB will be driving Jeff to his dad’s Saturday. Then making sure everything is ok with my car and such so I can drive out next weekend.
Jeff is still battling with himself over leaving me. He is struggling with the fact that he feels that while he is out there he is neglecting his duties here at home. I strongly feel like the two of them need to make the best of the time they have left together. I didn’t get to spend time with my dad before he was gone and I want him to be able to have this time.
I just wish I knew a way to make all this easier for him. I just know from experience there isn’t a damn thing I can do and that is killing me.
A couple of years ago Gary needed a place to live. I convinced Jeff to give him another chance and allow him to come live with us. He was with us for about a month and things went really bad. I ended up kicking him out of my house and after hearing from a few people about the lies he had told about us, I cut him off from us completely. I take full responsibility for doing that. All I wanted to do was protect my family.
Last May when Jeff and I split up him and Gary gave reconciliation another shot. It was tentative at first, only talking once a week for a short time. Gary had quit drinking and started going to church and from what we could tell he was just being a better person all around.
In July we had to go to Dallas to be with him while he had some tests run for a back surgery he needed. We had a good visit with him and peace was made all the way around. The doctors told him for the most part that with out the surgery he would be paralyzed in a matter of a few months. They asked him to go to a few specialists to get the all clear for his surgery.
X-rays were done of his lungs and a spot was found. He was then sent on to have more tests done and that’s when they found it. Gary has lung cancer. After a lot of soul searching Gary decided he is at peace with his maker and he is just tired and doesn’t want to go through treatment. It took a little while for Jeff to accept that but he finally did.
I’m dying inside because I know what my husband is going through. I lost my dad to lung cancer a couple of years ago. I know there is no way for me to make him feel better about what is happening. It’s not fair. He finally has a good relationship with his dad and its being yanked away from him.
Last week Gary was put into the hospital for a couple different reasons. Mostly because he is hard headed and didn’t let anyone know he was hurting and having a bad time until it got really bad. I think that one event brought things home to Jeff more then any so far.
After a lot of battling with himself, Jeff finally made the decision yesterday to go be with him for a little while. We were going to go out there next weekend to help Gary move but he feels like he needs to go sooner. Thankfully Jeff works for a great couple who understands. HB will be driving Jeff to his dad’s Saturday. Then making sure everything is ok with my car and such so I can drive out next weekend.
Jeff is still battling with himself over leaving me. He is struggling with the fact that he feels that while he is out there he is neglecting his duties here at home. I strongly feel like the two of them need to make the best of the time they have left together. I didn’t get to spend time with my dad before he was gone and I want him to be able to have this time.
I just wish I knew a way to make all this easier for him. I just know from experience there isn’t a damn thing I can do and that is killing me.
For a little while now I have had a lot of trouble sleeping. I am tired during the day but when it gets bedtime I am wide awake. I lay in bed for hours tossing and turning and when I do finally fall asleep, I wake up constantly through out the night. I think this is the reason I lack all motivation.
I am absolutely unmotivated to do anything. I don’t blog. I have two baby blankets that have to be done by the 29th. I have one finished. I have another project that needs done by the 31st of October, it’s almost done. I started painting my bathroom a few weeks ago, one wall is partly done. I’m working on deadlines here and can’t motivate to do a damn thing.
Hell I haven’t even had a hair cut since last February. While it’s not uncommon for me to not have a hair cut, it is uncommon for me to not at least have it thinned out. My hair is thick and it gives me headaches if I don’t get it thinned every couple of months or so.
The past couple of days I have been sleeping better. I fall asleep quick with little or no tossing. Because of this Jeff has come up with what we thinks might be part of my problem. We have had someone staying with us, he left last Sunday. He has decided that I was having the trouble just from knowing there was someone else in my house. He might be right.
Gerard moved out last Sunday. Dylan moved out two weeks ago. Dj and Gauge are moving back in tonight.
It’s no wonder I can’t sleep. My front door has turned into a revolving door.
Revolving door = No sleep
No sleep = No motivation
No motivation = No blog
See, I knew there was a way for me to blame my laziness on someone else!
I am absolutely unmotivated to do anything. I don’t blog. I have two baby blankets that have to be done by the 29th. I have one finished. I have another project that needs done by the 31st of October, it’s almost done. I started painting my bathroom a few weeks ago, one wall is partly done. I’m working on deadlines here and can’t motivate to do a damn thing.
Hell I haven’t even had a hair cut since last February. While it’s not uncommon for me to not have a hair cut, it is uncommon for me to not at least have it thinned out. My hair is thick and it gives me headaches if I don’t get it thinned every couple of months or so.
The past couple of days I have been sleeping better. I fall asleep quick with little or no tossing. Because of this Jeff has come up with what we thinks might be part of my problem. We have had someone staying with us, he left last Sunday. He has decided that I was having the trouble just from knowing there was someone else in my house. He might be right.
Gerard moved out last Sunday. Dylan moved out two weeks ago. Dj and Gauge are moving back in tonight.
It’s no wonder I can’t sleep. My front door has turned into a revolving door.
Revolving door = No sleep
No sleep = No motivation
No motivation = No blog
See, I knew there was a way for me to blame my laziness on someone else!
I know I have been gone awhile and I am trying to work my way back to my blog. I do miss it.
Today something is nagging at me. I had some customers in here earlier and they were discussing things amongst themselves. At one point one of them was trying to make the other realize who some one else is. She said "You know her, she was so and so's daughter."
That statement eats at me every time I hear it. My mom died 7 years ago. Best I can recall she didn't sign off on being my mom the day she died. I AM her daughter. She did not cease being my mom because she died.
Granted, our relationship has changed but that doesn't mean she isn't my mom. Her death didn't change the fact that she gave birth to me or that she raised me.
I guess I just don't understand the thinking behind the statement.
Today something is nagging at me. I had some customers in here earlier and they were discussing things amongst themselves. At one point one of them was trying to make the other realize who some one else is. She said "You know her, she was so and so's daughter."
That statement eats at me every time I hear it. My mom died 7 years ago. Best I can recall she didn't sign off on being my mom the day she died. I AM her daughter. She did not cease being my mom because she died.
Granted, our relationship has changed but that doesn't mean she isn't my mom. Her death didn't change the fact that she gave birth to me or that she raised me.
I guess I just don't understand the thinking behind the statement.
I got home yesterday evening and I was so tired. I cooked then got comfortable in my chair and crashed. Jeff woke me up and sent me to bed where I very quickly died again.
I couldn't get myself awake enough this morning to get Dylan to his bus stop. Thankfully Jeff didn't have to be at work early today so he picked up the slack for me.
As the morning wore on I became very dizzy and my head feels like it will explode. My skin feels like it is burning up from the inside out. It's 90 degrees outside and I am freezing my ass off. I turned on Yahoo Messenger and a friend that disappeared on me last week was on. Her status message said something about taking her out back and putting her out of her misery. I grabbed her and said "I'll shoot you if you shoot me."
She asked me what was wrong and I gave her the run down. Then I asked her what was wrong with her. She has Swine. Confirmed. She spent the morning trying to convince me that all my symptoms are the same as hers were. Then she told me she couldn't hold it together any longer and was going back to bed.
I have spent my afternoon trying to convince myself that I am just really really sleepy and after I get home I will sleep all this away.
I couldn't get myself awake enough this morning to get Dylan to his bus stop. Thankfully Jeff didn't have to be at work early today so he picked up the slack for me.
As the morning wore on I became very dizzy and my head feels like it will explode. My skin feels like it is burning up from the inside out. It's 90 degrees outside and I am freezing my ass off. I turned on Yahoo Messenger and a friend that disappeared on me last week was on. Her status message said something about taking her out back and putting her out of her misery. I grabbed her and said "I'll shoot you if you shoot me."
She asked me what was wrong and I gave her the run down. Then I asked her what was wrong with her. She has Swine. Confirmed. She spent the morning trying to convince me that all my symptoms are the same as hers were. Then she told me she couldn't hold it together any longer and was going back to bed.
I have spent my afternoon trying to convince myself that I am just really really sleepy and after I get home I will sleep all this away.
This morning I was watching The Today Show. It caught my attention when they said the First Lady has sparked a big debate because she was wearing shorts. Seriously?
They had a poll and 83% of people said they were fine, 17% said they were inappropriate. WTF? Seriously?
I'm kind of dumbfounded that her choice of vacation attire is even an issue when there are a million other things that people could debate about. She was at the Grand Canyon. What was she supposed to wear?
I suppose the people offended by her "short shorts" are the people that treat a day at their favorite swimming hole as a black tie affair!
They had a poll and 83% of people said they were fine, 17% said they were inappropriate. WTF? Seriously?
I'm kind of dumbfounded that her choice of vacation attire is even an issue when there are a million other things that people could debate about. She was at the Grand Canyon. What was she supposed to wear?
I suppose the people offended by her "short shorts" are the people that treat a day at their favorite swimming hole as a black tie affair!
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