Jeff was raised by his grandparents. His dad was around but their relationship was always rocky. I’ve heard stories from his family, his ex wife, and from Gary himself about how bad things were at some times. Some of the things his ex wife told me confirms what I suspected, Jeff always searched for a relationship with him only to be hurt time and again by Gary. Gary was an alcoholic and I know first hand how hard it is to have a relationship with an alcoholic.

A couple of years ago Gary needed a place to live. I convinced Jeff to give him another chance and allow him to come live with us. He was with us for about a month and things went really bad. I ended up kicking him out of my house and after hearing from a few people about the lies he had told about us, I cut him off from us completely. I take full responsibility for doing that. All I wanted to do was protect my family.

Last May when Jeff and I split up him and Gary gave reconciliation another shot. It was tentative at first, only talking once a week for a short time. Gary had quit drinking and started going to church and from what we could tell he was just being a better person all around.

In July we had to go to Dallas to be with him while he had some tests run for a back surgery he needed. We had a good visit with him and peace was made all the way around. The doctors told him for the most part that with out the surgery he would be paralyzed in a matter of a few months. They asked him to go to a few specialists to get the all clear for his surgery.

X-rays were done of his lungs and a spot was found. He was then sent on to have more tests done and that’s when they found it. Gary has lung cancer. After a lot of soul searching Gary decided he is at peace with his maker and he is just tired and doesn’t want to go through treatment. It took a little while for Jeff to accept that but he finally did.

I’m dying inside because I know what my husband is going through. I lost my dad to lung cancer a couple of years ago. I know there is no way for me to make him feel better about what is happening. It’s not fair. He finally has a good relationship with his dad and its being yanked away from him.

Last week Gary was put into the hospital for a couple different reasons. Mostly because he is hard headed and didn’t let anyone know he was hurting and having a bad time until it got really bad. I think that one event brought things home to Jeff more then any so far.

After a lot of battling with himself, Jeff finally made the decision yesterday to go be with him for a little while. We were going to go out there next weekend to help Gary move but he feels like he needs to go sooner. Thankfully Jeff works for a great couple who understands. HB will be driving Jeff to his dad’s Saturday. Then making sure everything is ok with my car and such so I can drive out next weekend.

Jeff is still battling with himself over leaving me. He is struggling with the fact that he feels that while he is out there he is neglecting his duties here at home. I strongly feel like the two of them need to make the best of the time they have left together. I didn’t get to spend time with my dad before he was gone and I want him to be able to have this time.

I just wish I knew a way to make all this easier for him. I just know from experience there isn’t a damn thing I can do and that is killing me.